Leaves
by Crystal Dreams
Summary: It's hard when the one you love is the one you aren't allowed to love.


**Leaves**

* * *

**WARNING:** Incest.

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

The sun beat down, rays of yellow splashing on the grey-brown dust. Red leaves swept across the warm soil, signalling the coming of fall. A gold-yellow leaf landed on a head of wine coloured hair. Before the little girl could realise, a deft hand had darted in and seized the leaf between nimble fingers, now dangling it in front of her face.

"Oh, it's so pretty," Jenna chuckled in delight.

"Yeah, just like you," Felix winked, smiling. The wind ruffled his thick, brown hair before darting past and snatching the leaf away, casting it into the sky where it would fly free.

* * *

Two years later, the same children sat upon a hill of lush green, on a balmy summer's evening. The river flowed nearby, a peaceful, rushing sound that put them at ease. Calm and peaceful, just the way that it should be.

"Have you ever kissed, Felix?" Jenna asked, grinning mischeviously at her brother.

"No way," Felix pulled his legs up to his chest. "Girls have cooties."

"Do I have cooties?" Jenna glanced down at a ladybug, balancing delicately on the tip of a grass blade. It spread its back wide, exposing its wings, before taking flight. It had five dots on its back. Five black dots on crimson.

"No, because you're related to me," Felix said decisively. "We're the same."

"Then kiss me. Go on."

"Yeah, okay," Felix shrugged and leaned over, planting a quick kiss on Jenna's lips.

"There. Now you've kissed," Jenna clapped her hands together.

"No, Jenna, you don't count," Felix looked away at the river, not noticing the sad expression on his sister's face.

* * *

How long?

Jenna dipped a finger into the puddle of water, causing ripples to spread out from around it. Her reflection stared back at her, wine coloured eyes filled with grief. Grief that threatened to well up and spill out over her cheeks.

A year now?

It was a year since he had left her, torn away by raging waves of water. The storm had flung them apart. She had last seen him clinging for dear life onto a wooden post in desperation. She had screamed his name, begged him to hold on, but he still left her and took their parents too. She was all alone.

Sometimes, Jenna still dreamed. When her dreams were not full of darkness, fear and despair, they were light and happy. Felix was still alive, and they sat together and talked, and she savoured every word of his. When she awoke, she cried tears of bitter grief into her pillow.

As Jenna grew older, the boys of Vale turned their attention towards her. The blacksmith was very open with his feelings towards her and his mother clearly hoped for a union between the two of them, but Jenna politely kept her distance. Garet flirted with her, but no matter how close they were, she couldn't take that step further with him either.

After a while, Jenna began to wonder if she would ever take that step further...

* * *

Then Felix returned. He was older, more serious, but he was still the brother she remembered and she was so elated to have him back, not to be alone anymore. Jenna was glad to even leave Vale, just to be back with her brother again.

"I missed you so much," Jenna shifted herself to be more comfortable, sitting on a stone wall. In the city of Tolbi, nearly everything was stone. She brushed away a pile of gravel sitting upon the cold stone and turned her head to gaze at Felix.

"Yeah, I missed you too," Felix looked downwards, seeing a colony of ants marching their way across the ground. "I'm sorry about it all. I wish we hadn't had to leave you alone all that time."

"There was so much I wanted to tell you, but I thought you were dead," Jenna bit her lip. "So I'd write on paper instead. I'd write lots of little letters every day, fold the paper and put it away in a box which I put under my bed. I can't show you them now though."

"Maybe you can just talk about it then," Felix suggested, watching as the last ant in the line slipped and fell on its back. However, the colony kept on marching, leaving their fallen comrade behind.

"Yeah," Jenna's mouth twitched. "Promise not to leave me ever again?"

"I promise," Felix put his hand on top of Jenna's and squeezed. A faint tinge of pink appeared in Jenna's cheeks.

* * *

It came to her later on. That sort-of-new girl, Sheba, was twittering on about Felix, as they shared a room at Madra's inn. It seemed that Sheba had a crush on Felix, and as Jenna listened to Sheba going on about how wonderful Felix was and quietly agreeing, she couldn't help but feel jealousy balling up inside her. It was like a balloon swelling up and going taut until it would eventually explode.

Sheba rambled on about all the good qualities of Felix, like his beautiful rich-brown hair that was soft to the touch, his warm chocolate eyes that immediately made her feel safe and loved, his rare smile that lit up the whole room, his flattering apparel, his warm, strong hands, his smooth skin.

In the end, Jenna felt like crying herself to sleep. What was wrong with her? Sheba should have Felix. She had far more right to him then Jenna ever would. Jenna was just his sister. Felix hadn't even considered that kiss to be a proper first kiss.

But, all these years, somewhere deep inside, Jenna considered it her first kiss.

* * *

"So, do you like Sheba?" Jenna nudged her brother teasingly. Even the tension of the trip to Mars Lighthouse tomorrow wasn't going to stop her from being spirited. Hopefully tomorrow they could see their parents again. The snow swirled around the two at a frantic pace, settling in her hair and on her clothes. Jenna had gotten used to it by now, Felix practically looked at home in this weather. Jenna threw a backwards glance at the inn, where everybody else were. It was just the two of them out here under the starlit sky in the quiet, snowy village of Prox. 

"What?" Felix looked at her and then flushed. "Jenna, I care a lot about both of you."

"Yeah, but you want to be Sheba's boyfriend, right?" Jenna asked awkwardly, scuffing up snow with her boot as she trailed behind Felix, while they walked the perimeter of the village. "Sheba has a crush on you."

"I figured," Felix brushed snow from his bangs. "Sheba is a sweet and a lovely girl, and if I had to pick a girl to spend the rest of my life with, I'm sure she would be my first choice. But... it's probably a little early to be thinking about that just yet."

"Yeah..." Jenna blinked back tears, frantically trying to cover up her wobbly voice. "I'm sure you two would make such a cute couple."

"Jenna, are you okay?" Felix stopped and turned around.

"I'm fine!" Jenna exclaimed. "The snow's just making my eyes sting and it hurts." She turned and fled, running back to the inn, ignoring Felix's calls.

* * *

The next day and the following day were so hectic that it was a while before Jenna and Felix got a chance to talk together again. Jenna felt awkward after the night in Prox, but she put her feelings aside just for the sake of being able to talk to him.

"Hey, since you interrogated me in Prox, maybe I should do the same," Felix suddenly spoke. "Who do you like, Jenna? Is it Garet?"

"No," Jenna averted her gaze, willing Felix not to pursue the topic. How could she admit that she even felt about him in such a way? It was disgusting. She was impure and he was not. That was the difference. She was filthy.

"I get the feeling that Garet likes you," Felix watched a cream coloured butterfly land on his boot and stand still in time for a breathtaking moment, before it took off again, flapping its delicate wings. "It can't be Isaac. He's with Mia."

"Heh, no, it's not Isaac either," Jenna's mouth and throat felt dry. She couldn't ever remember feeling this nervous in her life. Her feelings were threatening to come out, bubbling up inside her chest, but she could not let them out. She would not!

"Piers?"

"No," Jenna said flatly. "Can... can we please not talk about this?"

"Why not?" Felix looked at her. "Is it a secret crush?"

"I... I can't tell you! I can't tell anybody!" Jenna sobbed, jumping to her feet. "Will you just drop it, alright? I already know who I love, but I... I can't have you! I mean... oh no..." She turned and ran, leaving Felix staring at the place where she had stood in stunned silence.

* * *

The last time she had cried this much because of him, it was because he had left her alone. But now she might as well have to leave him. She had let her secret out. What if he told everybody? They would start to whisper behind her back, call her impure...

Jenna knelt on the brown soil, digging her clenched knuckles into the dirt. Her tears splashed freely onto the earth, leaving wet patches where they fell. What should she do now? She felt so hopeless, so alone... even with her family back, she was alone.

A soft footfall alerted Jenna to someone else's presence. She stood up and turned around. Jenna was startled to see Felix standing there.

"Jenna, listen, I..." Felix rubbed the back of his head, his gaze darting around.

"No, don't," Jenna sniffled. "You can't help it if I'm crazy and stupid..."

"What I said in Prox... I lied," Felix looked downwards, rooting his hands in his pockets. "I don't really think I'd... spend my life with Sheba..."

"Huh," Jenna took a step backwards, shaking her head. "I'm sure you'll find a girl who's more deserving of you. I'll just go and be a crazy old spinster. Nobody could possibly love a crazy, messed-up girl like me. I'm crazy in the head."

"You're not crazy, Jenna," Felix insisted. "If you are, then I'm crazy too."

"What?" Jenna looked at him in disbelief.

"Remember that kiss on the hill?"

"We were just children..."

"And I brushed it off as if it was nothing?"

"Yeah..."

"It meant more to me than I let on," Felix looked up at Jenna, his eyes shining with tears. "I wondered if I'd hurt your feelings, but what could I say? We shouldn't be like this... why is it this way?"

"We're crazy," Jenna shuddered. "Both of us. But... Felix, we can't do it. We can't be together. People will cast us out. We should leave each other alone, go and find different people."

"Don't you think I've tried?" Felix said bitterly. "I tried to get myself to like plenty of girls, like Sheba. Even girls in Prox. It never worked. All I could ever think of was you. I love you, Jenna, and I hate myself for it, because I can't love anybody else. Only my own sister."

"Felix..." Jenna stepped towards him, her entire body trembling. "What can we do? All we can do is carry on like normal siblings. But that won't change the fact that we love each other. We have to keep our feelings hidden... but it will be so hard."

"It is hard," Felix also stepped towards Jenna, until they stood just a few centimetres apart. "You're right, we can't let anybody else know about our feelings, but..."

"But?" Jenna looked up, into his melting chocolate eyes, blinking her teary wine-coloured pair.

"Just... one meaningful kiss?"

"Okay," Jenna closed her eyes and waited. Felix placed his hands on both sides of her face and kissed her passionately on the lips. She enjoyed the thrill that ran through her body, even if it was so wrong, and she longed for this kiss to go on forever, but it could not and it would never happen again. Felix reluctantly stepped away with a sigh.

"Never again," Jenna said wistfully.

"Yeah," Felix still seemed unhappy. "That's the way it should be. I wish it didn't have to be this way... I should be in love with Sheba, someone who I'm allowed to be with, same for you. But we had to end up in love with each other. How did this happen?"

"I don't know," Jenna said hopelessly. "I wish it hadn't too, but it's not just going to go away. Oh well... let's just get back and find the others, before they wonder where we've gone." She grabbed Felix's hand and they walked back to Vault together.

"Aren't the leaves pretty?" Felix murmured as the wind scattered red and gold leaves around, tossing them playfully into the air before snatching them and casting them down again.

"Yeah," Jenna smiled. "But not as pretty as me, right?"

"Right."


End file.
